What’s with all the inappropriate songs I LOVE about women and sex? I mean, let’s…
I come to you today having been inspired by Glennon Doyle’s UNTAMED. I read her third memoir last summer and again over the winter, this last time taking notes. Glennon writes: “Maybe Eve wasn’t meant to be our warning. Maybe she was meant to be our model. To change life as we know it is dangerous. But not for women. Not to the common good. What women want is a threat to the injustice of the status quo. If we unlocked and unleashed ourselves: ● Imbalance relationships would be equalized
● Children would be fed
● Corrupt governments would topple
● Wars would end
● Civilizations would be transformed
If women trusted and claimed their desires, the world as we know it would crumble. Perhaps this is what needs to happen so we can rebuild truer, more beautiful lives, relationships, families, and nations in their place.
What the world needs is more women who have quit fearing themselves [and their desires] adn started trusting themselves. What the world needs is masses of women who are entirely out of control.
I fucking love Glennon: How she first thought that the best thing to do for her family was to reconcile with her husband after he revealed that he had been cheating on her since the beginning of their marriage and while she gave birth to and raised their 3 children.
I love how she fell in love with Abby from across the room while on a book tour promoting her book about said reconciliation and decided – against the advice of her agent and publisher to tell the truth after she and Abby developed a loving relationship and friendship (I love it – they hadn’t even kissed when they knew!).
Then they proceeded to build a true and beautiful family with the kids and a way to co-parent with her ex-husband.
Glennon broke the mold on what’s expected of wives and mothers. She speaks to me because I decided to have a baby on my own:
● I had been divorced for many years
● I wasn’t dating anyone who I was interested in a serious relationship with or to have children with
● I had woken up at age 42 and realized if I was ever going to try to conceive a baby, it would be now
● So, I spoke with 3 friends about if they would be willing to donate – with no strings attached. They would have no legal rights and no financial obligations. Their name would not even be on the birth certificate
● All 3 said yes and I chose the one who I thought would give me the best chances of a healthy baby and within 5 weeks, I conceived my baby – no doctors involved ● I gave birth to my baby in September of 2009, with my doula by my side – the best partner for delivery because as a woman and a mother herself, she knew exactly what I was going through and hot to keep me focused and as comfortable as possible, without any drugs as was my plan. I remember she taught me to go deep with my voice, to power through labor and to push out my baby who was born at 3:55am after labor began around 9 or 10pm the evening before
● I don’t remember if it was the doctor, the labor & delivery nurse or my doula who said, “It’s a girl!” as I met eyes with the little person who’d been growing and kicking inside me. “Blink blink” went her eyes as she looked up at me and latched on and nursed right away
● Many women have said I am brave to be raising my daughter on my own. I am just being myself. My audacious self. I love that audacity means “the willingness to take surprisingly bold risks”. Funny, I thought it would have been more bold to have and raise a child with someone else, especially a man. Maybe even with another woman! I am very Type A. Maybe even a little OCD around the house – I like everything to look welcoming, but everything in its place at all times.
● I like making all the decisions:
○ At what age does my daughter go into day care?
○ How do I discipline her?
○ Where do we go on vacation as a family?
● I have no husband or partner or in-laws to weigh in with their opinions or to have to please them
● I love bright colors in our home: hot pink, oranges and reds; silk pillows everywhere. If I’d had a baby boy, he’d have had to be gay!
● I watched other moms in Manhattan – the mome we would have play dates with – either sort of bark at their husbands to do more at a gathering, while the husbands kind of quietly froze, looked down and slowly got up to check on the group of toddlers running up and down the hallway while the mom put the finishing touches on dinner and opened more wine. I watched some moms get a divorce from their cheating husbands and navigate co-parenting with the girlfriends of said cheaters. I watched a few families who seemed to have struck an equal partnership with mutual respect for one another and sometimes I might wonder if I would meet that kind of man.
● Mostly I was – and I am – in a happy rhythm with my daughter and our dog – walking him with my daughter in the stroller when she was very young – and getting it all done by myself, drama and expectations-free.
● I didn’t wait around to get married again to start a family and you don’t have to either!