Episode #25: Uncle G – You are a F*cking D*ck

Those of you who listened to Episode #18 of Audacious Freedom, the podcast might remember that I am working on finding my voice when people are UNKIND or even CRUEL or NASTY to me. Well, this episode is for you, Uncle G: You are a FUCKING DICK. And here’s why: When I wrote to you and Aunt N in June of 2009 to tell you that I would be in San Francisco on business and that I wanted to see you…and, I shared what you might have already heard at that time, that I had decided to become a single mom and I was thrilled to share with you both that I was having a baby in September. And Uncle G – and for you LISTENERS – know – here’s what you wrote back to me in your email. Here’s what you had the FUCKING BALLS  to write back to me in an email. An email that I can access in a matter of seconds on my phone in my gmail account. AT ANY TIME. Proof of you being a FUCKING DICK. Here’s what you wrote to me, your GODDAMNED NIECE. Are you ready, listeners? LET’S GO! You fucking wrote:

“Please forgive me for being straightforward and to the point. You are a wonderful woman with enormous intelligence, beauty and charm. However, I find your choice to become a single mother shocking and extremely troubling. I wish I could say that I have found grounds to celebrate your independence, but I cannot help but think that independence is measured not so much by what we do but by the extent to which our lives do not have a potentially problematic impact on others.” Are you listeners believing this BULLSHIT?? I gotta tell you, I’m so anxious right now re-reading this email and copying it down in this episode script that I am literally shaking. I have a knot in my stomach and my hands are shaking. I am full of emotion with this email and Uncle G’s WORDS to me. OKay, let me read you some more of this unbelievable awful email. Uncle G goes on to write: “A child without the benefit of a nurturing mother and a nurturing father is a child asking for heart-ache. As an aside, there may be serious legal problems for a single mother and her child.” What the fuck, listeners?? Legal – serious legal problems for a single mother and her child?? Like fucking WHAT???? GOOD FUCKING GOD. Okay, so then he writes: “I am truly sorry that I am unable to cheer you on. At this point, I don’t imagine you have anything to say to me. Nevertheless, I do wish you good luck.” No, I wish YOU good luck, MOTHER FUCKER. I wish YOU good luck in LIFE with being a FUCKING DICK. Sorry, listeners. I’m getting ahead of myself! Here’s the rest of this fucker’s email. “Goodness knows, Dee Dee, in the face of your self-created adversity, you will need it.” Okay wait. Sorry, listeners. I can’t help but interrupt again here. “GOODNESS knows”, Uncle G?? What do you know from GOODNESS? You are pure FUCKING EVIL. And my self-created ADVERSITY?? Having a baby as a single mother in 2009 is creating ADVERSITY for myself. How so EXACTLY?? How does becoming a single mother in 2009 create ADVERSITY???? This isn’t 1909 when women had far fewer rights that we do now. And being a single mother isn’t some kind of black on my life for my friendships or for my career. It’s actually an ASSET and sign of my STRENGTHS, CONFIDENCE and SUPERWOMAN GODDAMNED ABILITIES. ASSHOLE. Okay, ok, so here’s the last of the email that has me so wound up again: “But, regardless of my views and despite what I may think, you will always remain my niece for whom I have great love and affection. Uncle G.”

Deep breath. And I gotta tell you , listeners, that it feels GREAT, it feels fucking awesome to GET MAD. To be PISSED FUCKING OFF at this MOTHER FUCKER. It DOES. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND it. So, what did I do when I received that email just over 12 years ago?? I didn’t GET MAD. I got QUIET. I got QUIET and I wrote back that I was sorry to hear he felt that way and that I would be meeting Uncle Rico and Tia Lance for drinks and dinner near my hotel – I told Uncle G where and what time I would be meeting his brother and brother-in-law, my other uncle and his husband, in the hopes that he would join us. That maybe he’d realize that there was no reason NOT to meet me, even though he wasn’t *cheering me on*. I hoped that maybe Uncle G’s wife, Aunt N, also cc’d on the emails between Uncle G and me – would knock some sense into his fat head. But no. They didn’t show and I forgot about it. And over the years, I saw Uncle G and Aunt N a few times at family events. But things were never the same. Cordial and maybe they or he said my kid was cute or something. But never LOVING toward either my daughter or me. So, why did I share this letter with you listeners now? Well, listeners, I will tell you why. As I’ve been committed to finding my voice at this time in my life and in these podcast episodes, I re-read that awful email a couple of weeks ago and I wrote back to Uncle G. I write back to Uncle G and here’s what I wrote: 

“You are a fucking dick. In case I never told you that. YOU ARE A FUCKING DICK. ‘Shocking, troubling, independence, problematic, nurturing, heart-ache…not to mention legal problems. What the FUCK does your sorry ass know about these things?? You remember how many times I flew to SF to support you when you FAILED THE BAR?? 3 times you sorry, drunk ass. And thank God you never had to raise a child other than your sad ass self. Fuck off.” And I love reading that last part – ‘Sent from my iPhone. I don’t know why but that cracks me the fuck up. But it doesn’t crack me up more than that it took me over TWELVE years to respond to the email in an AUTHENTIC way. I spoke the FUCKING TRUTH. I didn’t stay quiet and MEEK. And. AND, I have to tell you I did something else with that email. I forwarded it to Uncle G’s wife, Aunt N, and I wrote, “Forwarding to my *former Aunt Nan* who has stood by this pussy”. And THEN I fowarded all of that – the whole email string between Uncle G and me which had started in June of 2009 – I forwarded it to my Aunt Lori and my Aunt Nikki and I wrote to them, “FYI – It was about fucking time!” And we all sure got a great laugh about it all. Even when Tia Nikki and Tio Mark were over to our new place last weekend for lunch, we realized that Tia Nikki hadn’t shared it all with Tio Mark, so he read up on it all while we were enjoying lunch. And I made Tio Mark read ALOUD my entire email back to Uncle G. Fucking hilarious to hear my words come out of Tio Mark: all of them – “You are a fucking dick…your sorry ass…FAILED THE BAR…you sorry drunk ass…your sad ass self…fuck off”. Tio Mark was sure to emphasize all of those words for the ultimate impact. And Tia Nikki and Tio Mark and I laughed our asses off. Fuck off, Uncle G. You are a FUCKING DICK. And that’s what love and support looks like, dear listeners. That’s what fucking love and support from family looks like. I bless and thank and love Tia Nikki and Tio Mark so much for their love and support. For truly SEEING me and my daughter and KNOWING us and loving us BECAUSE of our STRENGTH and CONFIDENCE and superwoman goddamned abilities. And one more time: Uncle G, you are a fucking dick.